If Oliver Were on Match.com


Name: Oliver
18-month old dude, but I’m “mature” for my age; already in what I like to call my terribly awesome two stage. I live with my parents, but don’t worry, I have my own crib.

Seeking: 15-21 month old guys or gals, dogs and squirrels of any age are also welcome

Height: 98th percentile; translation: tall enough to get into the drawer where mommy used to keep the knives

Body type: Munchkin

Religion: Disney

Smoke: No

Drink: I’ve been off the bottle for a couple weeks now.

So what should you know about me? I am laid back and easy going (assuming mommy does exactly what I want, when I want). I’m an intellectual who enjoys long conversations—my current favorite topics include poop, dogs, and bubbles—trying to engineer the perfect lego structure, and brain teasers like reconfiguring the cable box. I’m an early to bed, early to rise kind of guy who also appreciate a good mid-day cat nap. If you like to sleep in, we probably wouldn’t click. When I’m not sleeping I like to curl up on my daddy’s lap with a good picture book, catch all the latest movies (so long as they star Mickey Mouse), and stay active—couch diving is my new favorite sport. Other interests include wallets with easily lost credit cards, iPhones, basketball, and the Itsy Bitsy Spider—although not necessarily all together or in that particular order. I live a pretty structured life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to let loose and have fun—streaking around the apartment and sneaking chocolate syrup from the fridge are just a couple of the wild and crazy things I get up to.

I’m looking for someone who wants to share in all the highs and lows of toddler life. Someone to share my cheerios with. Someone to celebrate the new milestones with. Someone to cry with when we’re cutting our molars. I also need someone who has a good sense of humor—if you can’t laugh at a messy poop explosion or a fart noise, forget it. Ideal first dates include chilling at the park—the slides are my favorite, baby story time at the library (smart chicks rule!), or any location where my mom can also get a cup of coffee while we hang.

Contact me if you’re interested. I swipe my mom’s iPhone often enough that I’ll respond within the day.